WORD ABUSE: Paper Training the Wolfhound

(NOTE Are you poor, forlorn and hungry?/Are there lots of things you lack?/Is your life made up of misery?/Then dump the bosses off your back./Are your clothes all patched and tattered?/Are you living in a shack?/Would you have your troubles scattered?/Then dump the bosses off your back.)

Millions of words in thousands of languages float from ear to page to eye. The choices available to the modern writer are enough that repetition should rarely occur, but it does, and too often. This frustrates the modern reader in search of good writing. Instead of clarity, the reader has to wade through the mush of generalizations caused by words so over- and misused they have lost their original sparkle and intent.

Finding the right word for the right place is never easy. This makes an etymological dictionary the writer’s best friend, right next to welcoming librarians, kindly bartenders, prompt mail carriers, and compassionate computer technicians. Know your word before you use it. When you are absolutely, positively, hands-down, thumbs-up sure of the meaning and usage of a word, check it again before whacking at the keyboard.

GET RID OF THE WAY

No one knows the way, but nonfiction especially is full of ways to find the way: A Long Way Gone, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Ways of Reading (an abominable title for a swell book), The Way I See It, The Way I Am, The Way to Cook (shame on you, Julia Child), The Way We Work, and too many more to follow. “Way” as a general term for method or direction has become meaningless from overuse. Before your fingers start to type out this word, stop and think about specifics. You could mean highways, byways, streets, and roads, or strategy, practice, and order. The more concise the writing, the bigger thrill for the reader.

A STEP IN THE WRONG DIRECTION

“Step” is almost as bad as “way.” Twelve-step groups, step by step guides, steps for success and the Epiphany, steps to awakening and self-esteem, and steps to quit smoking. With all these steps, it sounds like every reader is expected to climb a staircase that keeps reaching further from the stated goal. Nonfiction writers take note: Readers are fed up with steps. Give them more than this dull, hackneyed word. Instead of “take steps,” use “take action,” or better still, say the action. Laziness always shows itself, and yours should be kept hidden from the reader. Sleep late instead.

CO-CONSPIRATORIAL GIBBERISH

Conspiracies are in government and against the present government, between friends, and wherever money can be found, like banking and big business (also known as collusion when it comes to trial). The word is straightforward until someone does something dumb like sticking on the prefix “co-.” A co-conspirator is a conspirator that is conspiring with another conspirator in a conspiracy, most likely something nasty. “Conspiracy” is for two or more people to plot. Involvement in a conspiracy makes you a conspirator and adding the “co-” prefix trips the root word over its shoelaces. No matter if you have seen the word appear in journalism or high-priced hardcovers, it is wrong.

Knowledge of the tools of writing, the words, helps fiction and nonfiction writers say what he or she wants with precision. Think of words as a treasured resource to be celebrated in every sentence. Create your own standards of what constitutes clear and accurate writing, and follow them. Be ready to change these at any time; usage is affected by time and genre. Never settle for less than your best.

READY, STEADY, FLOW

A holiday that involves naked cherubs is bound to be disappointing. Men and women will receive cards and gifts from men and women they don’t like, and nothing from the men and women they do like. Break the wretched cycle by giving the best guide to writing and book publishing, The Dog Walked Down the Street: An Outspoken Guide for Writers Who Want to Publish (Cypress House, $13.95), to everyone you know, regardless of gender. Eventually you will hit the right combination. Push your cursor over to www.indiebound.com and the address for an independent bookstore near you will appear. By the bag or by the box, this is the best investment for your romantic future. Too many cooks crowd the kitchen.

NEXT: Weaning the Whiner

A WORD TO RETIRE: No Bones Before Bedtime

(NOTE: May seem peculiar
/How I think of you
/If you want me, darlin’/
Here’s what you must do/You gotta give me
/’Cause I can’t give the best/
Unless I got room to move/If you want me darlin’/
Take me how you can/
I’ll be circulatin’/’Cause that’s the way I am/You gotta give me
/’Cause I can’t give the best/
Unless I got room to move)

ALL IN A DAY’S PAGES

Good readers sometimes write, but every good writer reads a lot. Books such as Slow Reading in a Hurried Age by David Mikics (Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press, 2013), Slow Reading by John Miedema (Sacramento, CA: Litwin Books, 2009), and The Art of Slow Reading: Six Time-Honored Practices for Engagement by Thomas Newkirk (Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann, 2011) show how reading is active, not passive, and the skill is much more than an ability to turn pages. A reader has to get inside and mix it up with character, setting, and themes to find what the book is really about. Reading slow reveals the unlimited possibilities of language. Skipping through a book like a morning jog is a disservice to the story and the reader. Any book worth reading deserves to be read well, and more than once.

Like all good practices, reading slow has its drawbacks. The reader of contemporary books sees words used more for fashion than meaning, like oligarchy (who are the oligs?), paradigm (a nonfiction favorite from the late eighties and early nineties), ebullient (say it fast three times to win a prize), and the absolute worst offender, pathetic.

ROOT FOR THE ROOT WORD

The Latin (patheticus) and Greek (pathetikos) roots of pathetic have the word meaning that one is able to feel or be impassioned. Further down the etymological line, the word relates to those who suffer, who have suffered, and who will suffer real soon. Modern usage has pathetic as a hard slap to the cheek meaning weak or outright stupid, and a description of tawdry surroundings. Pathetic appears in dialogue when a more appropriate word cannot be found. Besides, it gives the speaker a chance to sound educated, always good when belittling the bad guy.

At the end of the eighteenth century readers knew what pathetic meant. Pyotr Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 6 in B minor, is also known as the Pathétique, for the suffering the composer underwent while finishing what would be his last symphony. Somehow the word changed and now we are stuck with pathetic as imprecise, rarely used where it should be, and not much use to the writer.

CONCISE WORD, CONCISE EMOTION

Writers begin with a close relationship to the dictionary. They find a portable one for hauling around in a book bag and spend too much for a big dictionary at home. Both are necessary on account of the English language has about 250,000 words (excluding twerk) and no one knows all of them. Words whither and die like any organic substance; they depend on frequency of use for continued life. What keeps language alive are the writers who put the correct word in the correct place. When a word has its meaning watered-down or taken too far from its beginnings, it’s time for public internment. Pathetic is ready to be measured for a coffin and sunk deep into barren ground.

BETTER NOW, NOT LATER

The Dog Walked Down the Street: An Outspoken Guide for Writers Who Want to Publish (Cypress House, $13.95) is a wonder of ink and paper. Many of its pages are numbered for easy reference. Recent readers have said many nice things to the author, never seen in public without his masculine silver tiara of genuine pre-war plastic and who is prone to blushing. The good-looking staff at your local independent bookstore will be thrilled at your discernment in purchasing this swell book, full of information about writing and publishing and the proper use of pralines. The Dog is for writers and readers eager to know the unknowable and dress better. Log on to www.indiebound.com for the nearest independent bookstore ready to slip this well-behaved corgi into a plain brown wrapper, just for you.

NEXT: Bargain Wash and Clip